work

You good?

Have you ever worked within a space that your co-workers act as if you’re not on the same team? I’m sure most of you have experienced this or know someone who has. Unfortunately, its become a “norm” to expect this kind of behavior. Over the years I have learned to be passive with the rude and unwarranted conduct of others, but of course there are some that penetrate through. I’ve come a long way from shouting, cursing and standing up to make my point when treated this way...don’t judge me I was young. 

Not long ago I worked alongside a woman who initially greeted me with a hug and a smile upon my first day. That quickly changed by the fifth day, when a smile or look in my direction was nonexistent. I tried to think of what had changed...was my work not up to par? Nah, that wasn’t it, I know I’m great. Was I somehow offending her? Nah, that wasn’t it either. She stopped speaking to me directly with the exception of 5 or 6 times. Almost all of our communication was through a messaging system from the work email provider. This type of behavior went on until the day I stopped working with her- almost 6 months (life of a freelancer-thank God). Six months of one-way hostility.

I would think of how exhausting to must be to live in a space like that- all that energy that could be put elsewhere. It got to a point where she would send me emails to accuse me of not doing the work correctly cc’ing others or possibly bcc’ing (this is just a guess). Every single time she would make those accusations, my responses always proved her wrong. She assumed a lot and didn’t feel the need to further investigate if she was correct. So each time she would make herself look incompetent, which is ironic because that’s what she wanted for me. My final straw with her was when she sent yet another email with incorrect information and decided to try and chastise me- cc’ing the head of the department. I rebutted with facts laid out about how she must have the wrong information and stated all of the real facts in detail. She responded and took took off the head of the department on the chain, to apologize to me and suggest we work on a system that she can easily go off of. Sneaky right? Fully aware of her tricks I made sure to get the last word in and add the head of the department back to the email chain, so that they could see she was incorrect, once again. Sure that may be perceived as petty to some, but I refuse to have someone make me be out to be less than. I ended my email correspondence by telling her she needs a hug and offering to give her one, she clearly needed some positive energy.

I have not once understood the concept of putting others down to build yourself up. It doesn’t work and you can make yourself out to be a villian when there’s no need. You’ll not ever be high up enough that you can’t be knocked down, so be careful how you treat others. I don’t know what may have been going on in her life during that time, but it didn’t have anything to do with me. I do wish she would have spoken to me face to face as a woman, but when you’re a coward you hide. She seems to need some courage from the Wizard and a Super Soul Session with Oprah to figure out the source of her hostility. We can all continue to learn and do better and there’s nothing wrong with apologizing for behavior that we don’t want to represent us. Let’s have a moment of silence for all of the people we have come in contact with throughout our lives that need to sit down and have a coke and a smile.

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Old ad, timeless saying.

Age

I've been working around young women in their early to mid-twenties the past few months. Many of them just graduated from college and/or still lived with their parents who made their lunches- side note: mom, I know you're in Florida, but I would love for you to send several vegetarian/vegan meals for my lunches so I wouldn't have to take the time- thanks in advance. Most of our conversations involved pop culture, music and of course fashion- basically a one sheet of topics. I enjoyed being around them, all of the young ladies have amazing personalities. One day a conversation about previous job experiences led to discussing age. After they spoke about their first jobs (for some they were at it) when the question came to me, I let them know mine was many years ago. They were shocked, thinking I may have been referring to an internship, but I wasn't. They proceeded to ask how old I was, so I said in my 30's and their jaws dropped. Out of their disbelief, they told me there's no way I could be "that old", they assumed I was around their age- but you know what they say about assuming right?  I didn't understand why they couldn't grasp their mind around it...I didn't say mid 50's. But I get it, one of my nephews who is 4, thinks I'm ancient and when I was in my early 20's anyone above 30 was old to me as well. I mean what could I respond back with other than, "black don't crack, it's the melanin baby"! I proceeded to tell them that I take care of my skin, I'm conscious of the food I eat, I don't smoke cigarettes, I workout, pray and meditate not much more to it than that.

It's interesting when people can't place you in a box they become overzealous with trying to figure out why.  There's no mystery, we can be different and it's okay to accept it and leave it. The age talks started to become obsessive. I essentially wanted to take a page out of my friends Weeza and Rashawn's books and speak around it or channel my inner Aaliyah and say "Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number".  I was even called a vampire...a VAMPIRE! I love vampire movies so, actually being called one by a girl was funny, I wasn't even slightly offended.  I told myself I'll be the fiercest vampire since Angela Bassett in "A Vampire in Brooklyn"- because who wouldn't?  Age has not ever played a factor in my life and I don't see it becoming one. I hope you all feel that way too. Don't ever let the opinions of others make you feel awkward, it's their hang-up, not yours. So I say, be you, be true and vamp on!

This was Angela Bassett in, "A Vampire in Brooklyn", the movie came out in 1995. Look at a picture of her now and she looks exactly the same! Flawless.

This was Angela Bassett in, "A Vampire in Brooklyn", the movie came out in 1995. Look at a picture of her now and she looks exactly the same! Flawless.