Hidden Traits

The other day my sister (in law), Kai and I were speaking on how people perceive us as extroverts when we are actually the opposite. She has an infectious personality that you always want to be around. She’s funny, smart and can act her ass off, so you can see why people flock to her.  But she’s a quiet person who prefers at times to be home watching a movie, visiting family or enjoying a fun night of karaoke with her friends. For me, I’ve always had jobs where I’ve had to shake hands and smile nonstop, as well as go out all the time and put on a wonderful front for all to see.  But I’d like to come clean right now and say: Hello, my name is Brooke and I am a hidden introvert. I use the term “hidden”,  because that is what I’ve had to be. I would mask how I really was because of what I was told is needed in order to succeed at my jobs. To be honest I’m a HUGE germophobe. I absolutely do not like shaking strangers hands or talking at an event where you can barely hear the other person, so they invade your personal space with breath that smells like their mouth has been closed for a week after they ate hot dogs. Gross right? Exactly.  Please don’t get me wrong, I am a social person, I just have to be in the mood to be that way.

As the youngest child and the only girl, I felt the need to be seen growing up. I genuinely wanted to be in the mix of things, sneaking in corners to hear the adult conversations or hanging out with my older brothers (when they’d let me). I always wanted to be with my brothers because 1. I thought they were the coolest (don’t let it get to your heads fellas) and 2. If they were doing something I wanted to be included. As I grew up this quality didn’t go away, I mean if I could have earned a degree in socializing, I’d have my Bachelors right now. I had a self-inflicted fear of being forgotten, so I made sure to put my “extrovert mask” on at all times and only took it off when I was by myself.

As individuals in life, we all have many masks that we wear to get through our days and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. The people that know who you truly are is all that matters. Your job is to make sure that no matter what to always be true to you. The masks are just the courage you might need in a situation, like a superhero costume. Superman puts that costume on and saves the world each time, but when he takes it off, he’s Clark Kent. The thing is he’s always Clark Kent. With or without the Superman costume he’s always the same person deep down, the costume just frees his innate abilities. So when you need a little more to get you through a situation, go in the mirror and power pose for two minutes and know that you are just as powerful without anything added. In what situations did you feel you the need for more courage?

I mean…I am talking about masks…how can I not use a Jim Carrey image? It’s still funny to me.

The Art of Saying No and Not Caring

I use to say yes to everything. I was afraid people wouldn’t like me if I didn’t. It was important at the time to want to be liked and asked for things. You need me to do a marketing presentation for you to present to your job with my ideas that you’ll pass as your own? Sure. You need me to take time out of my day to think of venues and give you connects before the end of your day? I got it. You’d like me to get you into events or better yet find you a job? Umm, ok I’d be happy to. It literally got to a point where I’d stress myself out over the pressure I’d put on myself from doing all these “favors”. I allowed people to take advantage of me, take my kindness and run with it. I mean what am I, a masochist? Why would I do this to myself? But that was back then and this is now.

The most interesting thing was all of the “favor askers” would usually start a convo with: “hey how are you? Would you be able to”...or not even a greeting or pretending to care to ask about my well being, they'd jump right into whatever they needed. Rashawn once told me, just say “no”. What? No? What does that mean? What would people think if I said no? They’d hate me. They’d throw stones at me. But I was tired of complaining to her or Orande about it, so one day I said no. And guess what? The world didn’t end. Then I got “no” happy. I’d say no to everything. No, I’m not going to spend my day helping you move. No, I’m not going to connect you with an old boss I had from 15 years ago that I haven’t spoken to. No, I’m not going to meet you two hours out of my way because it’s better for you. No is one of the best words in vocabulary. So simple. Two letters. I began to care less and less of who is mad that I said it too. Saying no eliminated them from my life and it’s been easy like Sunday morning since.

Don’t get me wrong, balance is necessary in life, I still say yes, but only to those that actually love and care for me. I have grown to realize who is here for me just because I am me and not for what I can do for them. I didn’t know my worth then, but I learned. I’m sharing all of this with you because I’d like to be an example of the rabbit hole you might go down if you are out here surrounded by parasites without bug spray. Protect your energy and who you give it to. Qilah and Orande both told me the same phrase relating to these issues and it was: “who cares, f#*% ‘em”. You won’t have to think long on who these bugs are in your life, they make themselves known. Just make sure you are armed and ready to stomp them out.

Doctor Seuss always comes through with a message. Stay armed and crush those bugs.